Don’t let Menopause drive a wedge in your relationship. Here’s advice to help you understand and survive its upheavals
A married man’s eternal grouse is; “I can’t understand that woman!” And just when he’s becoming used to her ways, wails and wiles he groans: “Help! My wife is turning into somebody else!” Consider these true life statements:
“My wife used to follow my wishes blindly. Her whole life revolved around my comfort. Suddenly she insists that she wants to find herself, to do her own thing!”
“All night long my wife tosses and turns, changes her clothes and sometimes the sheets. All day long she is prickly and throws tantrums at the slightest provocation. Where is the sweet and gentle girl that I married?”
“We used to have a wild time in bed. Now, she won’t let me touch her. She finds sex distasteful!”
All this is what prompted Dr. Neilson. Consultant Gynaecologist in major hospitals to hold a work shop: Menopause Time For Positive Changed! The catch was that the women were only allowed entry if they were accompanied by their husbands. Neilson says that if a woman has her husband’s support, “she handles menopause more efficiently , than if she is isolated. Conversely, a husband who understands his wife’s condition. Does not feet puzzled and left out. This makes for a better marriage, just as a man who is involved in his wife’s pregnancy and childbirth, makes a better father.”
He answers some of the question that worry and mystify men, but they seldom manage to voice.
So what’s with menopause? Why is it called the change of life?
I [refer a change of life. It’s just another rite of passage like puberty, pregnancy, motherhood where a women’s body and mind undergoes changes.
She is in her prime. One third of her life is yet to be. It is up to you to help her to make a smooth transition into menopause, the next natural stage of her reproductive system.
The more you accept reassure and support her shifting gears, the less you will both be likely to be traumalised by them.
How is this hormonal shift different from what happens to older men?
In men, Androgen or male hormones do not dwindle into nothing, which is why it is called PADAM (Partial Androgen Deficiency in the Aging Male). Only 1% to 2% of 50-year-old, 5% of 60-year-old and 20% of 70 years olds suffer form PADAM.
Between 40 and 50 your testicles decrease testosterone production at eh rate of 1% a year. Medical opinion has it that the symptoms that beset an older man, such as fatigue, depression, low libido, sexual dysfunction, nervousness, which can be prevented and treated. Your potency and libido can remain, except if you have other medical problems or drink heavily.
Menopause means the last menstrual period and actually happens between 45 and 55, although today it’s even happening to women of 40. It signals an end to ovarian function and the ability to conceive and menstruate.
Leading up to this time, as there are 40 eggs developing, the ovaries gradually secrete less of the hormone estrogen (which gets her set for pregnancy) and progesterone (which sheds the uterine lining when conception does not take place). Periods become irregular and stop. Ovulation ceases.
After a year of no periods you don’t need a medical diagnosis to tell you that she has menopaused. It is only then that you can stop using contraception.
No periods means no PMT, but does not mean a full stop to other activities.
Menopause also happens if the uterus and ovaries or both ovaries have been removed in a hysterectomy. If the uterus alone has been removed hen she will not have periods or babies but her ovaries will continue to secrete hormones every month. Menopause will occur at such time as it would have naturally.
Short term symptoms Usually disappear or are accepted as the body and mind adapts to the changes such as hot flushes, burning hands and feet, palpitations, facial hair, dizziness, lethargy, fatigue, fainting , itch skin, genitor urinary infections, loss of libido, vaginal dryness, hysteria, unreasonable fears, wrinkles.
Long term symptoms are heart disease with Estrogen no longer watch dogging a woman’s heart, fatty deposits and bad LDL cholesterol can build up in her arteries, increasing the risk of strokes and heart attacks in 60% of women; osteoporosis; all of which can be prevented and treated.
One third of women escape unscathed with none or very mild symptoms.
Does menopause hit suddenly?
There is a transitional period called perimenopause which is a preamble to the actual thing. Neither your mother or mother-in-law were aware of it, because it had not been identified in their time.
Perimenopause arrives earlier and earlier, due to environmental changes and bad nutrition. During this time Estrogen and Progesterone levels fluctuate wildly from very high to none at all. That’s why sudden strange symptoms such as dizziness, palpitations, sweating, irritability which are mistaken for PMT pop in and out erratically without any discernible pattern.
One of he first harbingers can be irregular periods shorter, longer, lighter, heavier. They may disappear for months and become clockwork regular again.
Will the hot flashes go on forever?
The Estrogen imbalance causes a dilation of the blood vessels….. which increases he skin temperature…… and makes the skin look red.
88% of women suffer from hot flushes (or flashes), night sweats, dizziness, burning feet and hands, which can last form 30 seconds to 5 minutes and are guaranteed to curdle the blandest disposition.
Now while these aggravation can occur without ay provocation, they can be triggered by anxiety, over exertion, hot coffee, spicy food, synthetic garments.
The good news s that without any medical intervention,, the symptoms vanish like a bad dream within one to 5 years.
In the meantime women could try the following tactics that have been shown to ease the discomfort:
Belly breathing Sit comfortable in a quiet spot. Inhale slowly and deeply through the nose for 5 seconds so that the belly expands; then exhale through your mouth for 5, continuing for 15 minutes. The more she does it, the fewer heat waves she’ll have. Researchers believe that deep breathing may drop the body’s core temperature slightly.
Exercise Talking regular Spin classes won’t nix hot flashes, but menopausal women who exercise do report less flash-induced discomfort. Apparently, the heat and soaking that come with flashes and night sweats don’t seem so distressing fro a regular exerciser.
Smell the relief A recent Japanese study of 15 women found that those who got two 20 minute aromatherapy rubdowns and performed self massages with scented oil three times weekly reported fewer hot flashes and sounder sleep after 1 month.
Other Tricks getting extra Vitamin E, more fluids, shunning hot drinks and hot baths, wearing loose cottons.
Fruit, veggies and phytoestrogen rich foods (peas, chowli, rajma, soy) trick the body into believing that it has more estrogen than it really does.
Boron (found in apples, beans, cabbage, figs, plums, prunes. Strawberries) helps the body to hold on to its estrogen supplies.
Herbal help Research from German on black cohosh has shown that it can reduce the severity of hot flashes and night sweats similar to that seen in estrogen therapy.
Medication for severe cases Here doctor may prescribe Estrogen and other supplements for short periods.
Why do menopausal women suddenly start looking matronly?
Quite often women put on weight after menopause because they feel that it is the end of their attractiveness. They neglect their appearance and indulge themselves with food.
Fact: A typical woman gains an average of almost 4.5 kilos before menopause at he age of 35 to 45, and only another 0.9 kg between 45 to 55. Here’s where men come in. Make congest in both your food habits. Eat small frequent balanced meals together. Give up the daily post-dinner dessert habit; if you must have a sweet, make it a fruit or a single, square of dark chocolate. You don’t have to live on salads. Experiment , to create titillating learn cuisine lean meat and green veggies, sprouts and beans, wholegrains low fat dairy and fish the market is flooded with easy-to-follow cookbooks.
- Recognise that neither one of you can indulge in fries and potato chips like twenty year old.
- The god news is that these dietary changes also help protect a woman’s and your heart.
- Exercise regularly together. Start with yoga, swimming, walking after getting your doctors nod.
- All this tots up to better bodies, added stamina and more togetherness.
Why do some women turn all weepy at this time?
Menopause had long been blamed for a mature women’s blahs. But psychiatrist’ case studies show that these women seek help because they already have emotional problems. Studies at Yale Medical School find that the sings of depression ad stress are not worse in menopausal women as compared to younger ones.
Sometimes the emotional symptoms that are pinned on menopause like crying jags, temper tantrums, panic attacks, lack of concentration et al result from sleeplessness due to night sweats, troublesome teens, coming for aging parents, failing careers, retirement, poor self esteem. The connection to menopause could merely be co-incidental. I always talk to my patients to get to the root of the problem.
Yoga, relaxation techniques, meditation and massage can help her and you to cope better.
Be specially tender to your mate who has cosseted you through the years. Give her a foot, or head massage. Surprise her with a coupon for a makeover. Help her revamp her wardrobe.
Enrol her in an exercise regiment to release feel-good hormones. Bring back a joke or two with the daily bread. Maintain an active interest in her day, encourage new hobbies and games. And see how her spirits will lift.
If the symptoms of anxiety, weight changed, sleeplessness, memory loss, social withdrawal, stress, palpitations are severe it could be clinical depression. Consult a psychiatrist, which doesn’t mean that she is crazy, but just needs help.
Does Menopause mean Men-O-Pause, as in, the end of a women’s sex life?
Estrogen deficiency causes the vagina to thin and shrink, and lubrication to decline resulting in vaginal dryness, soreness, itching and bleeding after intercourse. The tissues of the urinary tract also shrink, leading to frequent infections and incontinence.
Sadly it is wrongly believed that sex is a youthful pursuit which oldies should relinquish. Women proudly or ruefully proclaim: “That part of our life is over!”
A great many women actually experience an increase in sexual pleasure after menopause: The children are independent, there is more privacy and leisure, they don’t have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy. The bonus? Spontaneous sex.
Happily, estrogen is not the libido hormone. It’s testosterone, your male hormone, which her adrenal glands also produce fro many years after estrogen has bowed out.
Some older women may also develop a larger and more complex system of veins in the genital area which can help orgasm.
The most important things is to stay sexually a active to stimulate blood flow and flexibility to the vagina and surrounding tissues. It’s disuse, not use that causes atrophy.
Although inevitably both your sexual systems will age, along with your sight, taste, smell and hearing, you have to changes focus, tone down expectations, accept limitations, not so firm breasts, saddle bags, Penetrative sex may become less frequent. You have more time for innovations in foreplay, which can serve as a delightful multi dimensional alternative to intercourse.
Sex in any form can bring closeness and contentment, can let you give and receive tenderness, can make you feel god about yourself.
Kegel’s exercises help her to tighten her urethral muscles and delay incontinence. Vaginal dryness can respond to K. Y. Jelly or estrogen creams (which need a medical evaluation).
Exercise is what prods her adrenal glands to produce more androgen (male hormones) which journey to the blood stream to the fatty tissues and is spontaneously converted into Estrogen.
LOSE THE DOWGER’S HUMP!
A women loses 20% of her bone mass in the first 5 to 7 years after menopause. By 70 she will have lost as much as whopping 30% of her 20 year-old bone mass.
With this declining bone mass bones can become porous, thin and brittle (this also happens to men at about 70) and are apt to fracture at the wrist, spine and hip. Both sexes lose height, as the spinal column shortens, and teeth, as the jaw bones become weaker.
A women is more vulnerable to osteoporosis, which is medicalese for the condition if she
- Has a mother or sisters who have suffered fractures.
- Has menopaused early
- Smokes
- Has crash dieted often
- Is thin small boned
- Has not borne children
- Over indulges on colas or alcohol
Yet fractures are not a given in her life. That’s because osteoporosis is easily preventable, specially if she takes sensible steps before bone loss begins.
A women needs a daily intake 1500 mg of calcium which is not created in the body and is excreted in the urine. She can get it from skin milk, fish, cheese, oranges, soya, spinach, papaya, cashew nuts, almonds, figs, turnips, beans, prawns, peanuts figs, turnips, beans, prawns, peanuts cured, panner, Calcium and Vitamin D supplements may also be necessary and it’s a myth that they create kidney stones.
Any exercise which affects the weight bearing bones of the spine and legs will reduce bone loss. Think brisk walking, jogging, stair climbing tennis, to provide the constant pull ‘n’ push on ht bones, to keep them strong. Consider weight training. When a person is a long term couch potato, even the fattest can develop bone loss.
Remain sexually active. Sex has the same effect as exercise. Don’t stop!
Wake up bright and early and romp in the sun. Bone thinning occurs while lying in bed. That goes for you, too.
Crash dieting, smoking, alcohol, high protein, high salt foods leach calcium out of your body.
